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Words Matter, Actions Matter More

Hey guys! So I have made a decision. I haven’t posted in awhile, mainly because of the pressure to speak about so many topics. I want this blog to be more journal or diary style. And I am glad I waited awhile because I told quite a few people about this blog and I like that it is likely they won’t be checking this anymore now. I want my posts to be a secret. It will contain my innermost thoughts. More about what I am dealing with or doing at any given time. But mainly I want it to focus on my efforts to lose weight. Why? Because that is the the goal that I have the most trouble with.

 

I have struggled with my weight since I was in preschool and first started hearing that I was “fat” and given diet advice. I hate how I look now. Or more accurately how big I am now. I miss when being just regular fat when I was in the 160s. Now that I am over 200lbs, i just feel like a failure. An out of control train.

 

Everything else in my life, when I wanted to change it, it was done. I wanted to find a real career and went from working in a mall to working my way to a fantastic well paying job for a Fortune 500 in under 2 yrs. I wanted to make new friends and go out more, and now I have regular invites to festivals, shows and parties with artistic fun people. I wanted to stop being shy and now most people think I am exaggerating (if they believe me at all) when I say that I used to have massive anxiety at the thought of interacting with someone new.

 

But getting control over my eating, finding the motivation and time to work out, has managed to elude me. I turned 28 around 2 weeks ago, and I am still unable to feel satisfied because I can’t get control over something as basic as my health. The rules for healing are simple, and yet it feels complicated. I get myself going and lose quickly, but one wrong comment and I lose hope all over again.

 

The last time I was trying was last fall. I lasted about 2 weeks. I lost 7lbs in the first week but was on my way to quitting at week 2. I made the mistake of asking my mom if I look like I’ve lost weight. She responded with, you need to lose more in your stomach, it’s too big. I was at the very beginning of a long journey and instead of getting support, I felt like it was pointless. I had already lost 2 inches off my waist in a week but her words made me feel like it didn’t matter. Like no matter what I did or how hard I was working, I would be some misshapen blob forever. And I felt the motivation that had been burning so hot begin to sputter. I felt judged and found wanting.

 

Deep down I am obsessed with showing her that I was able to do it. That I lost the weight and kept it off. I feel absurdly competitive with her. I want to be better than her. I want to never be like that. To hate myself and my body so much that the only way to feel better is to my finger at someone struggling and push them further down. I know she hates her body too. She isn’t even a very large woman. AT ALL. But she used to be thin and when she gained weight with pregnancy she was treated poorly for it by my dad and his family and who knows who else. I understand that her hurtful words are her own reaction to being treated badly.

 

That being said, the excuses don’t excuse her behavior. It doesn’t change that I don’t want to be that way. I want to build others up and help inspire them to push forward to their own goals. I am a big believer in creating the life of your dreams one step at a time. BUT I want to make sure I get this part of my life straight first. I want to use my success over this part of my life as an inspiration. In order to do this I want to give myself some accountability steps.

Action Steps:

  1. Get moving everyday
  2. Wake up early everyday

With only two steps, I feel like this could be simple this way. To go back to my original mindset of focusing on the process over the result. My mom’s words hurt, but maybe adding my own words to this blog will allow me to heal the hurt. Or maybe it’ll end up being a collection of posts whining about myself and being self indulgent. Whatever this ends up being, I hope to stick with it long enough to find out. Her words mattered enough to make me quit, but my actions will be what matters in the long run.

Finding my Focus- #Goals

Old Priorities VS New Goals

Changing my life one goal at a time

A few years ago the only things I did with my time was work, watch tv and sleep but finding my focus has changed that. Back then I rarely saw friends except on the rarest of occasions, I didn’t have hobbies, and I felt physically drained and depressed all the time. And then one day, I decided to make it my goal to go abroad without waiting for anyone else and start attacking my bucket list. So I looked online, did my research and in about a week, booked my first trip to Europe. It took me two years to pay for this trip but I made memories to last a lifetime.

Travel, my gateway drug

When I came back I dumped the loser I was seeing and wanted more. I wanted more travel, more experiences, more fun in my life. So I started making other plans. I basically used the method I told you guys about in my last post, where I gave you all 9 steps for defining your best life. If you haven’t read it, just click here! But I’ve digressed.

I started off just doing the cliche thing, New Year’s Resolutions. But I would actively work on hitting them throughout the year. I would usually set about 6 a year and hit around 4 to 5 on average. (For those who hit 100% a year, you guys are freaks, sorry not sorry).

How I started

One of the keys to actually accomplishing my resolutions was keeping the list somewhere I could refer to it often. I chose my phone because it is 2017 and who doesn’t attach themselves to their phones these days? I used an app that allowed me to create and checklist and at the end of the year, crossed off my accomplishments. Now I set new goals whenever I feel like I can. I look at the time I have and what I am willing to make room in my life for. Right now my priorities are the following:

  • Spending as much quality time as I can with my nephew
  • Get better at art
  • Write more
  • Read more
  • Get healthier
  • Be more involved in the theater arts
  • Be more social, make new friends and spend time with old ones.
  • Travel more

#Goals

So in order to truly treat these things as priorities, I knew I needed to set goals. So my goals became the following:

  • See my nephew every weekend and plan something fun.
  • Practice drawing or painting twice a week.
  • Watch Youtube videos for art inspiration 3 times a week.
  • Spend 4 sessions a week writing. 2 days for my book and plays, and 2 days for my blog.
  • Read 50 books in a year. (Last year I did 100 and I’m currently at 54 for this year!)
  • Work out 3 times a week, 30 mins each.
  • Make my diet low carb, with a focus towards real, whole foods.
  • Watch a minimum of 20 live shows a year. (I’m already at 25 for the year!)
  • See a friend once a week.
  • Have a phone call with a friend once a week.
  • Leave the country twice a year.
  • Leave the city or state four times a year.

But your goals aren’t normal…

As you can see, my goals aren’t necessarily the usual, I want to get healthy so my goal is to lose 45lbs (not arbitrary, that is my first weight loss goal). But I don’t think of it as I need to lose 45lbs, I think of it as I need to workout X times a week and eat this way. Why? Because if I make it my goal to complete certain actions, as long as I am pushing myself towards completing those steps, I will hit my goal. If I plateau or don’t see the effects, I will be less frustrated because the weight loss wasn’t the goal I was focused on. Plus action steps are easily “tweak-able” (is that a word?) for stubborn plateaus. The whole idea coming from the concept of how even the longest journeys are created with a series of single steps.

My next series of blog posts will be based on my experiences with each of these goals and I hope you guys find it interesting! Let me know what you think and if you have any other suggestions on how you hit goals!

 

9 Steps for Defining Your Dream Life

9 Steps for Defining Your Dream Life

So in my very first post I said that the point of this blog is to not only record what I do while trying to live my dream life but to hopefully help some of you figure out what you can do to do the same. What I find to be important to me might not even be a blip on your radar of something you want to spend time on and that’s ok! In order to actually live your dream life, you need to have a clear vision of what it would look like. 

Let’s Get Started!

  1. Grab your cell phone, a few sheets of paper or word document and a way to write.
  2. Set a timer on your cell phone and set it for between 5 and 10 mins.
  3. Start the timer, write down everything that you feel is super important to you and your life. Include things you already make time for and things you don’t make time for but wish you could.
  4. When the timer stops, take a look at your list and separate the list into 2 categories. These categories are: Things you make time for now and things you wish you could make time for.
  5. Now take the list of things that you already make time for and figure out ways to become more efficient. 
  6. Next take the list of things you want to make time for. Pick between one- four things that matter to you more than the others. (This part will be hard since usually this list is longer than the other list).
  7. Now for the items you haven’t been able to make a go of in the past, create some action steps! If you get even 10 mins of focused time on these new priorities it will help you build a habit. Aim small. The goal is to make these things a part of your life, not burn out with a week. 
  8. Create a new list of your priorities and make copies of this list so that you can constantly remind yourself of what you have decided is important. It is helpful to start with just one and then build as you increase consistency. 
  9. Be open to edits. These lists are not set in stone. They will grow and change with time as you find out which of your new priorities really matter to you. At the end of the day, the life of your dreams is made up of the things that matter the most to you. Once you know what your priorities are, your dream life will be your real life!

“The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.” – Oprah Winfrey 

Introducing myself and my blog

Meet me!

Background

My name is Anonymous for now and I would like to welcome you to my blog! The purpose of this blog is to provide me a place to record and share the things I do. Why? Because I am in pursuit of getting the life I have always dreamed of, one day at a time.

A little bit of background, I am an ex-fat kid, now fat 27 year old adult.Growing up I spent a lot of time telling myself that one day I would finally become skinny. And when I did, I would live the life of my dreams.

I would go out and do fun things, travel the world, flirt with cute guys, and be bold. In my mind, being overweight meant I shouldn’t take part in those activities lest I offend someone with the size of my Kim K. ain’t got nothin’ on me booty.

The Revelation

As I got older I realized whether I gained or lost a few pounds or not, life wasn’t waiting on me so it was time to stop waiting for my weight. That I needed to stop letting the fact that I was wearing between a size 12 to a size 16 (depending on the year in question) stop me from living my life.

Ch-ch-changes!

So I started saving my money to travel and have managed to visit 7 different countries in two years. I changed companies twice and was promoted at the second company in under 9 months to a job I love. I dyed my hair red, pink and purple and chopped it off twice after letting it reach the middle of my back. I also dumped a loser in this time period, and switched to flirting a lot but being more focused on getting myself the way I want to be than worrying about dating.

What This Blog Will Be About

  • My number one guy is a 5yr old, and I have a few rock solid long time friends I wouldn’t trade for the world (one of whom is getting married!).
  • I am also one of those lucky people who can consider a few members of her family some of her favorite people while also acknowledging them as the most annoying people alive.
    • I also have family members who make me feel low and worthless but why worry about them?
  • I love to write plays, stories, and act.
  • I am re-training myself in art with the hopes of being good enough to sell something some day.
  • My other obsession is working on my weight. I have realized over the years that low maintenance weight loss is the way I need to go for the sake of my own sanity so I started practicing intermittent fasting.
  • I am also working on trying to be active(ish) and eventually get to the point where I can remove the (ish).
  • I read a ton and watch plays and musicals every chance I get. 

Conclusion

So why did I just do a good old fashioned word dump here about all that in my first blog post? So that you my reader can get to know me, see if we relate and decide if the things I spend my time on are things you care about at all. So you will know that yes, I will be speaking about my weight at times but I will also be exploring the parts of my life that make it about more than just my weight. 

If not, no biggie, just recommend this blog to your friends 🙂 BUT if you do see yourself at a place in your life where you don’t think you feel brave enough to chase the life of your dreams, stick around and we can try to do it together. Let’s all make having a great life, personally defined by us, our daily pursuit.